Letters
by glowstick988
Summary: Edward finds a letter addressed to him, in Bella's handwriting, written before he came back...
1. Chapter 1

I turn my head and feel the cool, deep breathing of Bella on my face. I smile; her scent is wonderful, her scent is _hers. _

I slide out of the bed, quickly, swiftly, without even causing her to stir.

"Edward," she mumbles, like she always does around this time. "Edward, don't go. Don't leave me Edward, no."

My smile fades. She's thinking of that time. When I left.

I am grateful to my core that she does not remember those months as I do. My memory causes me to know every single moment, every single second, every single _tick _ of the clock that went by when I was without her.

I walk across her wood floors, my footsteps silent, my pace exaggerated slowness.

I see something shining in her closet, something shining golden and bright despite the darkness of the room, the only light coming from the moon shining in through the window.

I know it's wrong, but I'm suddenly curious. I walk soundlessly, and within a second, I'm across the room to her closet.

I reach out to pick the gleaming object up, when I realize it is. An envelope, open, but something inside of it.

I almost put it back down, knowing that reading someone's mail is not only morally wrong, but legally wrong, when I see words the untidy lettering on the back of it say.

_Edward Anthony Mason Cullen._

I can't help it now, no matter what's right. It's got my name on it, so technically, would it be illegal?

But when I see the date this was written, I feel sick.

February 3rd, 2006. When I was gone.

I know that this is probably going to make me feel horrible, but I can't not read it now. I open the letter slowly, being careful to keep focused, so the envelope is not ruined, and to not make any noise.

I read.

_Dear Edward, _

_I hate you._

_I hate you for doing what you did to me, I hate you for leaving me, I hate you for causing me pain, I hate you for making me cry. I hate you for not loving me anymore, I just hate you._

_But why can't I find it in myself to be angry at you?_

_There is not one moment for the rest of my life I will not be thinking of you. I always think of you. I dream of you in my sleep, Edward. You are my first thought when I wake up in the morning, and the color drains from my face. You are my last thought when I go to sleep, and I shed one more tear over you._

_You are the reason behind all those times I've cried myself to sleep, you are the motive behind the fact that I cannot listen to music, without thinking of you._

I stop here, closing my eyes. I would rather _die, _than read any farther. Just hearing about the pain I caused causes me agony. But I read on.

_You're the scars behind the memory, you're the wound behind the blood. And I'll never forgive you, never._

_But I only say this because you'll never come back._

I hear myself gasp, but it sounds secluded. I am a vampire with supernatural hearing, but everything sound distant, and far away, even my own breathing. I feel hollow again, like I am no longer part of this body. But for some goddamn strange reason, some strange force, I read on.

_I wish you could know all this, but I know you never will. You will never see this letter—_

I wish this was true.

_-- and you will probably not think about me much anymore, because you do not love me. I cannot help this, so I guess what I'm trying to say is, I still love you. You may have moved on and forgotten me—_

"I could _never _forget you, Bella," I whisper, feeling foolish to be talking to a piece of paper.

_—I know, deep in my heart, and just in the front, and back, and corners of my mind, that I will think of you every single second you are gone._

_I do not know how much longer I have, Edward. Victoria will kill me. __She will _

The letters begin to get shaky, and blotchy, and the paragraph just ends there. I shudder, and a pain, the only actual pain I can feel, ripples in my chest.

_I will not move on. You're the truest of true loves, you're the only one for me. I know this is no more, you're gone, I cannot change that. I will never, ever love anyone the way I love you. I will love you until the day I die — no matter how close that may be —and I will never forget you. _

_I will marry, I will have children, I will live life. But I will not forget you. I will never love anyone else, but you._

_You and Jacob. But Jacob… it's horrible, but he means little compared to you. I know it's awful, but it's true._

_I can't really say anything else. This letter went from hate to love so fast, I don't even know what happened._

_I guess I can't even pretend to have you. That doesn't surprise me, but that makes me unhappy. I need to get over you, my heart aches for it, for you. But I know I never will._

_Sincerely,_

_Bella._

I put the letter back in the envelope, wishing I had never seen it. Wishing I had never moved from that spot, beside Bella, where I belonged. Wishing she had never written this. Wishing she never had a _reason _to write this.

I go home, and change my clothes, disregarding the rising sun and the few rays that pass over me, causing my skin to sparkle for one moment.

I look in the driveway, noticing Charlie is gone, so I guess it's safe to use the door. I sigh, close my eyes, and rearrange my face.

I pull the key out from under eave, not even bothering to open my eyes. The dead bolt lock is not on, so I figure Bella's awake, or will be soon.

I walk in the house, and then I see her.

"Edward," she sighs, jumping up and running towards me, throwing herself into my arms. I smile, but this is not enough to ease the agony that's tearing at me.

She pulls away, and I can hear her heart thudding inside her chest. I laugh silently at this.

"Wh-what's wrong, Edward?"

I know there must be pain in my eyes, Bella's good at seeing things like that.

I stroke her cheek with my thumb. "I need to talk to you," I say softly.

**Author's Note: **_**this story will have two chapters, so one more after this. It'll be from Bella's point of view, and I hope you like it!**_

_**Reviews are love! **_


	2. Chapter 2

There's something burning behind his eyes.

He's smiling, but something's there, something big. I can tell, I always can, and this worries me. Is he going to leave me again? Has he decided that I'm not good enough? "Wh-what's wrong, Edward?" I stammer, hoping the fear does not reach my eyes.

He lifts his hand up and strokes my cheek with his thumb.

"I need to talk to you." He attempts my favorite smile, but it's forced and I know it. So I 'smile' back.

"I just want to know something," he says, his voice like velvet.

"What?" I whisper. "Anything."

His eyes are hesitant. "I want to know _exactly _how you felt when I left."

Blood rushes up to my pale face, heating up more where his icy touch is. But his hand does not leave my face. "Oh," I choke out. Oh crap.

"It's alright if you don't want to tell me," he purrs, and I know I'm going to be unintentionally seduced if I don't just give in right now. "I'd just _really _appreciate it."

I sigh. "Um…. O-okay."

He sits down on the couch, and I follow him, my footsteps lighter than they should be, my head higher than normal.

"W-well," I begin quietly, but I know this sounds clear to him, "w-when you left, I was… I was… I was sad." I felt bad; sad didn't even _begin _to describe it.

"You felt sad? Is that all?" he whispers, "is that all?" His topaz eyes are begging for more, but his expression is calm.

"That depends," I say, trying to sound nonchalant, "how… _detailed… _do you want me to go?"

He shudders, and I wish I wouldn't have said anything. Wish he wouldn't have brought this up. "I want to hear _everything_," he whispers.

We stare at each other for a minute, or maybe an hour, I couldn't tell the difference. He's like a statue, and I feel like a child under his gaze, sitting here fidgeting and twitching because I want to get out of this conversation, even if it kills me.

I decide to start from the moment he left.

"I can't really describe how I felt when you left," I say in a small voice. "But I will try.

"When you told me you didn't love me anymore, I did believe you. I didn't understand how you went from telling me you loved me, to telling me you were leaving me, all in such a short time." He nods, but I can see the pain in his eyes. The only thing telling me to go on his cold hand squeezing my own. "But believe you, I did."

"You left me lying on the ground and I felt… I was numb. I felt like I didn't even exist anymore. I felt like the farther you were away from me, the farther my soul went from my body. My will to live basically disappeared.

"I had to pretend I was completely fine though. I had to pretend for Charlie. I knew I had to. So I talked to him when he asked me stuff. And I smiled at him and said goodbye to him when I left the house. I actually thought I had him fooled until I heard him talking to Alice about me." I offer a sheepish grin and he offers a weak one back.

"Before that, I was just dead. I threw out my music and I couldn't watch TV. The day I realized that I couldn't remember the exact smell of your skin, I really realized it was over. I knew you were never going to come back for me. It almost killed me to put on the act for as long as I did.

"Jacob _really _helped me though. When I was around him, I felt alive. I actually felt like there was a reason I existed. He w- _is _my best friend and nothing can change that. I probably _would've _killed myself if he wasn't there.

"But I still wonder if I was actually using him for the thrill. Maybe I just did those dangerous things to hear your voice – I apologize for that, by the way – because there was no way in my right mind that I was going to get over you. Ever."

Edward's head bows a bit. "There's nothing that special about me, you know. People lose their loves all the time. The only difference between the people today and me is the actual term 'people' and our appetites. And proper manners, if I must say." His attempt to brighten the mood works a little. I smile.

"People lose loves all the time, yes, but this was different. This was a different kind of love. This is the truest of true loves, Edward. I love you more than words can describe. Distance and lack of the actual relationship was not going to change that, not then, not ever."

Edward shifts his position and scoots over a little, towards me. His face becomes soft.

"That's how I felt when I left you." He presses his forehead against mine. "Being… what I am, I can remember every little second of that time that we were apart. It was horrifying, even just to think of. I always thought us vampires couldn't get hurt. But that only applies to physical pain. Being away from you was worse than anything I've ever endured."

Edward's soft eyes are filled with pain, and it makes me want to cry. I lean forward just a bit more, kissing his nose.

"But you came back," I whisper.

Edward smiles. "Yes, Bella, I came back. Because you are the most important thing to me now. You are the most important thing to me _ever_."

**Author's Notes: **_**Oh my god, it's finally finished. I am so sorry everyone. I started school right after writing the first chapter, and everything went INSANE, then it calmed down so I wrote some, but then it got crazy again, and then I got sick. But the important thing is that I'm done now! I love you guys!**_


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